Tag: energy work

In the Spaces in Between

You will have heard this before- the magic is in the transition. Or to put it simply- the magic can only occur in the spaces in between….things……

This is especially true in music; a melody is only truly heard because there is silence between the notes. My main instrument has always been the Baroque recorder. Towards the end of school, when I was practising for recitals, I did 2-3 hours practise a day. Being an enterprising teenager, I used to do a couple of those hours at the bottom of the staircase in Covent Garden tube station; the acoustics were fantastically suited to my beautiful Mollenhauer boxwood treble and the Opera House crowd were educated, appreciative, and generous. I used to make £60 an hour, for work I would need to do anyway; easy money compared to a pub shift dodging bikers in the wine bar in East Finchley.

I still love the formality of Baroque tradition- there is no slurring in Baroque wind music, only a soft or a hard tongue, TKTKTK for the solos, slurring of notes came later in history, popularised in the romanticism of the Renaissance construct and only when the greater clarity was made technically possible by the advent of the modern flute.

The true magic of the melancholy Baroque lament is heard in the spaces between the notes.

This is a universal principle- if we want amazing things to happen, we have to allow room in our lives for the new thing to occur. Or we need to take action to open up a space where there previously there was none.

Making space for the change to occur is the key to giving ourselves permission on the deepest level for that thing to be possible. Or in PD psychobabble speak; we are taking positive action to remove those subconscious blocks.

Examples of this are clearing out the garage for the arrival of new car, jettisoning clothes that belong to an old version of you, de-cluttering unnecessary possessions ready for a move, or making space in your bedroom for the partner you might be seeking.

Insanity is repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

Those of you who know me personally will know that this has been a year of radical change for team McNelipot!

I’m still feeling my way towards a new future- some goals have changed, others are now completely irrelevant within the new paradigm.

And countless others are still to be categorised…or realised…..

To find a new path we must first open ourselves up to new possibilities.

I’m getting better at that! Although I still find myself making some decisions from a place of fear.

So I have been reading about the art of making conscious decisions.

Choice is part of the magical process that converts our thoughts into reality, and our energies into occurrences. Every single choice we make can either be made from a place of fear or from a place of  power- and thus every choice will either lead to expansion or constriction, to freedom or captivity, to creation or destruction.

We are offered 35000 choices  a day, apparently. Unless we practise the art of conscious decision making, our learned patterns of response and our self limiting beliefs will keep us making the choices that limit us to our safe, familiar, comfortable lives, all while we complain that it is circumstance which conspires to keep us trapped in our humdrum routine.

Many of the choices I have made in my life, some for an easy life, some for academic efficiency and many as the pathological people pleaser, have actually led to constriction not expansion. In seeking to preserve comfort in my existence, or to stick to the safe, better known path, I have inadvertently been saying no to wider opportunities.

Some of my drivers are emotional safety, keeping control of my destiny, fear of losing my self sufficiency, fear of loss, fear of change.

My positive drivers are a love of learning, a love of new experiences, a need to learn new skills. Some contradictions there!

Now I am obviously a pretty high achiever, in my career, in my chosen sports, in my hobbies, so in many measurable terms, this manner of making choices has not limited my more tangible achievements, such as income, career, holidays, routes ticked, adventures. But is has limited many of the ancillary experiences I might have had along the way. I have missed side turnings and detours that might have led to magic.

It’s not so much what we choose that becomes important, but exactly how we made that choice, that will determine the energetic outcome.

What are the motivations that made us choose the thing we did?

A simple spotlight question- Did that decision come from a place of power or a place of fear? 

A useful test question- rather than goal setting, have you tried fear setting? What is actually the worst thing that could happen?

Am I choosing consciously or I am blindly repeating an old and familiar pattern?

What would it take to make a different type of choice?

How could I make this decision from a place of power not a place of fear?

Our beliefs about ourselves and our own capabilities, as well as our construct of the world, will determine our possibilities, and our limits.

Our beliefs shape our choices, our choices affect our actions, and our actions determine our outcomes. This is true at every level and in every aspect of life.

Those of you who know me and Cal will know that the grey horse has occupied a huge place in my heart ever since he arrived, the pink roan pony from Ireland that broke his knee after a few months and yet still came good. The emotional investment in a much loved horse is huge, especially one that regularly finds new and imaginative ailments on which to expend your time, energy and money.

Rocky, although much loved asa personality, has always been second string both in his training and energy invested. This was entirely appropriate when he was a youngster out in the field, or just starting in light work. But he will be rising 8 in spring, and now he really does need to learn his job, and grow into those very posh genes.

I’m beginning to realise I am probably a serial monogamist where horses are concerned. Polo grooming a string of 7 didn’t count because none of them were actually mine.

So when the opportunity came recently for Cal to go on loan for the winter, to a trusted friend, although I dreaded the thought of being without him, although my first reaction was “you must be crazy”, deep down, I absolutely knew it made sense. Allowing him to go away for a bit has instantly made mental head space and physical time for Rocky. This has meant that on the cold dark days when work has been tough, there is no juggling act, just a clear, clean choice….what do I do with Rocky today?

Only in Cal’s absence will Rocky get my full attention and the emotional investment that the not so young youngster needs at this stage to turn him into an upstanding citizen and fantastic riding horse.

Rocky’s real name is Royal Magic….let’s see what magic shows up.

And watch out world- opening doors with conscious positive intent becomes a habit….

 

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Make the Mental Transition to “I can”

We must make sure that we do not inadvertently teach ourselves to fail regularly in our training. It is important that we learn to make the mental transition to” I can”.

I heard a story this weekend about a very high achieving golfer. Every time he takes a lesson to improve one aspect of his game he goes out, applies the lesson and plays much better. Instead of being pleased that he has played better, he then looks for the gaps in his recent good game, focusses on those, practises those aspects which he has not improved and then goes out and so has a horrible time again. Essentially he has trained himself to fail, repetitively.

Golf and dressage have much in common.

Golf swing fundamentals

We must train ourselves to bank the good stuff first, especially in riding where there are two sentient beings involved in the encounter. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t learn from our mistakes; reflection, adjustment and testing is a key part of experiential learning of a practical skill.  But we must learn just as much if not more from our successes.

 

I have started videoing myself riding more regularly. A friend once made the comment that high definition video is the most brutal feedback anyone needs. I don’t have hi-def capability but a mobile phone propped up on the arena fence is effective enough.

The first time I watch the video I am always appalled. I look like cooked spaghetti, what are my legs doing there, what on earth makes me think I can ride….

Then I look at it again and watch the horse…and generally there are some nice moments. And I have to remind myself that if the horse is improving then I can’t be that bad…

If the horse wasn’t improving, I would possibly have appalled myself so much that I would have given up.  I am my own worst critic.

Do as I say, not as I do!!

But luckily for me the grey horse loves the nitty gritty of training, and loves the way good work makes his body feel. Which means he loves me.

If we want to improve a movement  or an exercise then we have to pick one aspect to work on. We can’t just “try it again” and hope something will improve globally by accident. Practise doesn’t make perfect, perfect practise makes perfect. So you have to be consciously competent enough to choose one aspect that you can change to improve the overall performance of the task. A bit like teaching surgery….

Which means we have to choose other aspects to leave alone, or even better, aspects to keep because they are already good.

So for example; I’m doing trot halt, rein back, trot, transitions in step sequences of four. Four because even numbers make it predictable for the horse so the transitions should occur with less resistance. (That bit is magic, don’t question it, it just is, even number of steps for predictability, odd number of steps when you want change).

I ask myself what I can do….generally I can count to four, the transitions occur when asked, the rein back is diagonal, the line of travel is straight, the trot out has lovely oomph.

What do I want to improve? Lets just say one thing- the softness of the topline, for now.

Do I throw all the good qualities away just to focus on the topline? Do I say topline first and foremost, at whatever cost, no matter how many steps, no matter if it’s straight, …

Or do I try and add another quality to the good stuff I have already?

I have written before about how essential  positive feedback is to the horse if you want to keep him on side. The horse is never allowed to think he made a mistake.

Every Opportunity to Praise

Imagine how dispiriting it would be for a horse if, every time he does a movement or an exercise, to the best of his ability, exactly as you have aided it (because again that is the truth) and you say “No, no, that was terrible, it was all wrong, we have to do it again, we are just so rubbish!”

He wouldn’t keep trying for very long would he?

Imagine if, instead of saying “we just can’t do that”,

you made the transition to thinking I can,

if we thought “We can do that even better! We can do that more like an advanced horse. What’s the most we can do?’….in the example, “What is the best most elevated and elongated topline we can do that rein back in? How would Granat feel doing that reinback?”

img_2634

What is the maximum we can ask for?

Not demand…that’s different. If we ask for the absolute maximum possible that we can imagine, the horse will give is the maximum he is capable of, in that moment, and he might just surprise himself and you!

Our limited expectations can limit our horse’s potential. I know I am often guilty of trying to make every step the best step, when sometime it just needs to be the next step. Sometime we just need to make progress, in the work and across the arena.

Dinner needs to get cooked!

Never mind if the balance goes awry, what is the biggest length of stride the horse can offer?

What is the longest neck he can keep that balance on without going splat?  He has to go splat at least once for you to find out the answer to that question. If he doesn’t go splat how do you know you have asked enough? Obviously you ask for a touch less next time.

And then the next time you pick another aspect.

So in my example; yesterday I worked on quality of topline. And the response to the aids also improved. Today I worked on responsiveness to the aids (and topline came for free with a few repetitions). Tomorrow I will need to find a different sequence or a different usage of that lesson (pretend piaffe/passage transitions with rein back legs maybe, or what does reinback leg do to the canter walk transition) otherwise I am drilling my horse, and sucking all of the joy out of his psyche.

So to get the best out of out horses, we need to learn to make the transition to “I can”.

To I can do the most magnificent trot, halt, rein back, trot that I can imagine, with this fabulous horse I am lucky enough to be riding in this moment. The horse doesn’t know this is a difficult exercise, he just hears your thoughts, well before your aids.

So make those thoughts worth listening to. Make him feel magnificent.

The magic is in the transition- when every possibility is available, everything is possible.

And teach yourself and your horse to succeed,  a little more every day.

 

Trust is a two way street

Trust is a two way street. For trust to exist in a relationship it has to be felt both ways. ‘How does this relate to horses’ I hear you cry?

Simple really. We expect our horses to trust us, but do we trust them?

Those of you who have had the delightful pleasure of sharing a lesson with me and the Rockstar will know I have racked up quite a few air miles this summer. Highlights were winning the “most spectacular dismount” rosette at camp (there were 3 episodes that could have qualified), and a splat at the end of one of Neil’s bouncy grids- Rocky was getting more and more extravagant in an upward direction, and just minutes after me saying those immortal words ‘at least I’m still on’ his back end flicked up even higher as we turned and I wasn’t.

He had just dumped me again before this photo was. taken-

I’ve been resetting the counter on the 1st day of the month. It’s the only way to stay sane. And I’ve said out loud on several occasions that I’m not sure if I’ll ever ride him without a back protector.

Then something very peculiar happened. Over the last few weeks I’ve been hopping on Cal bareback to take the two of them down to the field. And after a few days I started getting this really strong urge to hop on Rocky instead of Cal.

Which I initially dismissed as madness and stupidity.

After all, I can barely steer this young horse in a bridle. I can’t remember May’s total of involuntary dismounts but there was a score, June was a 4 point month and July a 2 pointer.

But the urge kept occurring.

If we believe in the whoo whoo stuff, maybe it was Rocky himself putting the idea in my head.

August has not been a month of perfect behaviour. I’m still on 0 points but that’s more about luck than skill- I’ve had a couple of hilariously spicey in hand sessions.

So I have no idea why I got on the big baby warmblood, him in a head collar, me in Crocs with no hat (don’t judge me) and no body armour, to take him and Cal down to the field.

It took me about 3 goes to line them up to the mounting block and actually get on. Then there was some milling about in all 4 dimensions while I got them both pointing the same way in the yard. I’ve ridden Cal quite a bit in a head collar and done some neck reining stuff like Garrocha work- (note to self- too much even- that inadvertent indirect rein aid needs sorting) Rocky however had no idea as yet what a neck rein aid might be.

Once we were lined up it was a relatively straightforward exercise. They know the way, obviously.

There is something very special about riding your horse bareback. You are connected to the horse, muscle to muscle, back to back, in a way that you just can’t feel in a saddle. I giggled, and I praised him, and I found my inner child to jolly him along.

We got there, I slid off carefully because of the Irish safety boots and I thanked him properly, scratching his chin and looking him straight in the eye. And I felt something shift between us.

Me trusting him enough to get on in that playful kid like way has changed our relationship. And if it was him asking me to trust him and just get on, then that is the first loud and clear request that I have had from him, and I listened. And every creature loves a good listening to!!

I really hope that was his thought I heard because if so, it was delightfully clear- we always say ‘if only they could talk…’

Now don’t get me wrong: I’m sure the points tally will continue to rise. And I’m sure he will test me in ways Cal hasn’t even dreamed of. But he has taught me a very important lesson: that trust is a two way street. And if I want him to trust me; then in a partnership of equals, I have to offer him the same courtesy.

Cal has long known my every thought- however inconvenient a truth that may be.

You might not think of riding and training as a partnership of equals. That’s fine. In my humble opinion horses are the best mirror out there- what you receive is what you asked for. And what you offer will come back amplified a hundred times.

I’ve shared this picture before but it is my mantra for this year

Charlie Mackesey

and the wonderful Charlie Mackesey has got his book sorted – it is now available for pre Order on Amazon.

I’ll tack the link below when I am on my laptop rather than phone.

This New Year brings in a New Energy

With the New Year come resolutions, statements of intent, affirmations, SMART goals, whatever your preference. I’m sure we all share a feeling, around about this turning of the year that it is a time of change and that we can try to focus this for the better.

My statement of positive intent is that this New Year brings in a new energy.

First things first. Rocky went to the physio for assessment on the 2nd and got a very good report. The muscles in his back are no longer in spasm, and appear to have developed a bulk more in keeping with the size of his vertebrae. This is despite him essentially being left to rest, recuperate and just grow for the last three months.

My friends will know that my life has been somewhat changed over the last few months. I decided to give us all a break and go old school with Rocky’s mild kissing spine injury and try a bit of Dr Green and a whole lot of love.

I’ve probably managed to work him in hand one or twice a week since we moved back to livery in mid-November, he’s been out in the field every day and in at night, and we did a course of treatment with the Arc equine. Rocky, me and all the other animals are also learning about energy healing, after what in retrospect has been a tough time emotionally and psychologically.

Rocky looks really good. So the plan now is to do a couple of months in hand, building a back that one could sit on, and then aim to get back on and hopefully get going.

And hopefully we will find that the new year brings in a new energy, and a new positive start.

It’s a funny old thing, life. It is completely possible to keep trudging on from day to day, keep oneself busy, particularly with a demanding job and horses at home, and completely fail to check in with ourselves.

I liken my recent experience to working in the office at dusk; it gradually gets darker and darker, but as long as we can see the screen and keep typing, we don’t realise how much we are actually struggling until a colleague walks in and turns on the light.

Once the fluorescent striplight is on, it throws everything into sharp focus, the seemingly familiar is briefly and strangely illuminated. If we happen to glance up at that moment of unguarded change, we may get a surprising flash of clarity. The pile of boxes in the corner may seem more intrusive than usual, or the mess more disturbing.

And in that moment of stark illumination, we get to choose. We either blink and carry on, ignoring the familiar mess, or we decide that the situation must change. And from that point, if a decision is made to change, then nothing can ever look quite the same again.

And the New Year brings in a new energy.

I have always said that to learn about horses is to learn about life. Horses are first sentient; however their language isn’t one of words but of energy. The power of positive expectation cannot be over estimated

https://blog.dressagenaturally.net/107-the-power-of-expectation?utm_content=81684869&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&hss_channel=fbp-58052143396

nor can the power of negative energy be understated.

https://www.wikiart.org/en/edvard-munch/the-scream-1893

We have to remember our responsibilities

And to look after ourselves first

and to make sure that we spend enough time doing the things that make us happy

Photos by Jo Prestwich

Positive energy gives you wings!

And the greatest energy is love, self love and universal love.

Simple. But not always easy xx

May you also find that the New Year brings in a new energy.

Thanks to the fabulous Jo Prestwich for the lovely photos.

And to Charlie Mackesy for permission to share his wonderful drawings. Do check out his other work.

https://charliemackesy.com/

The Myth of the Alpha

Or busting the myth of the alpha! I’m learning energy work at the moment. The first few sessions with a new teacher, even one infused to the hilt with energetic information, are always about seeking a common language. No matter how connected or enlightened we are, as humans we still need a framework of communication, and that communication can occasionally be clumsy. Sometimes one might drop a complete clanger.

It may occur as an attempt at shorthand, to convey a feeling, or it may reflect confusion stemming from a different understanding of words. My teacher’s clanger today was “the horse trusts you….you are the alpha in the herd.” There we have it, the myth of the alpha!

Now first, let me just clarify; I’m not bitching here. I spoke up at the time and between us, we found a different set of words that conveyed the feeling required in the moment. But it did get me to thinking…..

The myth of the alpha or herd leader is all pervasive. Depending on who you read, it may be the alpha male, the stallion or herd defender, who fights off all comers to protect his harem of mares and pass on his genes. Or it may be the alpha mare, the real herd leader, who makes all the important decisions in the herd, including when to move, when to drink, eat and sleep.

So much training methodology, in equine and canine training, is based on this flawed concept. We are told we have to be the pack leader, to dominate, to demand respect, if we expect to earn obedience or cooperation. The whole Natural Horsemanship movement is based on repackaging this belief in various shiny guru-based guises- “control the feet and you control the horse”, the use of “pressure release”, the “round pen” work and “join up”.

None of this methodology really stands up to scrutiny if your primary aim is a willing partner, either equine or canine. When an animal shows aggressive behaviour, the others will quietly choose to remove themselves from the aggressor’s proximity. When humans use coercive or alpha based training methods, the animal is never given the chance to remove himself from the unpleasant stimulus. Instead, he is subjected to ongoing dominance behaviour with no release or reprieve. What’s natural about that? The round pen work particularly, if you watch carefully, shows stressed horses, running around, demonstrating displacement behaviour not submission. And who wants submission anyway?

Modern cross country training ethos seems to rely on the fact that the horse will be more scared of the consequences of not jumping the fence than he is of jumping the scary fence. How many sales adverts say “never stops”? Personally, if I completely miss at a fence, I would rather my horse save us both rather than turning himself inside out to take off and hopefully get to the other side. I want him to trust me so when things get scary he asks me, are we ok, are we going, what do we need to do, not just to launch himself in desperation. 

Training classical dressage, especially, can not be done by force. We are incrementally teaching the horse to experiment with new and different ways of using his body; the reward is that the new muscle usage feels better and so the horse will spontaneously offer it again. This relaxed experimenting on the horse’s part simply cannot occur in a coercive relationship.  Classical training, similar to dance, is the very antithesis of the myth of the alpha.

I have spent many hours observing my horses in the field, while doing pooh picking and fencing and other jobs. They are three geldings, a bachelor gang, that have been together now for 5 years, mixed up with various short term visitors. Paddy, the eldest, is 23, Rocky is the youngest at 6. There really is no clear leader among them. They definitely all have different jobs. Paddy is the sentinel- I cannot get within half a mile of them in any situation without him fixing his eyes on me and saying Hi! I have owned him the longest, and the bond is close, but not as close as the bond I have with Cal. Still, it is always Paddy that announces my presence to the herd.

Cal is very controlling about food. He really flexes his muscles and his teeth at meal times; I have always fed him first for ease and safety. This doesn’t necessarily make the others want to hang out with him, and often when he is snoozing, or if I take him out to ride, the other two will spend the Cal free time stuffing themselves at the Haylage feeders. Cal is Irish born and bred, so I guess food has been scarce at some point. That’s resource guarding, it’s not leadership. 

Rocky still loves to play, mostly on two hind legs. Cal and Paddy take it in turns to entertain him, and to chastise him when he gets too annoying. No one in particular decides when to move, or when to drink, or when to go for a mosey to the vantage point; those decisions seem to occur organically and any one of the 3 horses can take the lead.  When we had a little mare in with the boys, she did move them around a lot, I guess because she liked to prove that she could!

All these observations however are based on horses in captivity. No matter how much we had enriched our field environment, it still had fenced boundaries, Haylage feeders and limited grass when they were allowed on the middle; i.e. rationed resources.

Lucy Rees has studied horses extensively in the wild.

“There’s a lot of fiction written about wild horses” says ethologist Lucy Rees. By that, she means that many books and even scientific studies describe horse behaviour in terms of “dominance hierarchies” – something which has never been observed in horses living under truly natural conditions, but which nevertheless form the basis of many schools of horsemanship… even ones purporting to be “natural”.

Her fascinating series of videos can be accessed for free. They should be required watching for all horse owners and horse lovers.

“In this video series, we meet the Pottoka ponies of the Gredos mountains in Northern Extremadura in Spain. The ponies lead a natural life in over 1000 hectares. The purpose of the project is to study natural horse behaviour and also to keep the mountains clear of shrubs which can start forest fires.

 https://www.epona.tv/real-ethology-with-lucy-rees

Briefly, where there are adequate resources, and adequate space, there is no dominance behaviour demonstrated. The wild horses live in peaceful, co-operative family groups, and show cooperative bonding behaviour and virtually no aggression. There might be some posturing at breeding time, but there is no true conflict. Humans could learn a lot from horses.

Likewise the seminal study that led to the myth of the alpha wolf, was based on an observational study in the 1940s, performed on wolves in captivity. Mech then published a book on the theory in the 1970s, which he has recently been trying to get withdrawn! A wolf pack in captivity, a bit like our domestic horses, is a group of disparate individuals who have been forcibly grouped together by their human owners, with no family relationship or accounting for personalities, and who are then made to compete for resources which are controlled and rationed by the humans.  Funnily enough, the captive wolves fought a lot. The study has been compared to learning about the behaviour of human families by observing people living in refugee camps! 

http://www.sketchyscience.com/2014/08/the-alpha-myth-real-science-of-wolf.html

It is not just our animals who suffer from our obsession with this flawed paradigm

https://qz.com/910561/the-myth-of-the-alpha-leader-is-destroying-our-relationships-at-work-and-at-home/ 

Imagine how much less stressful and more fun life at the office could be if we all worked together for the greater good rather than allowing behaviour that would not be out of place in a small shark tank!

So if we are not to be their alpha animal, what role can we assume? How about being their most trusted human? How about an equal relationship between two different species of animal based on mutual trust and affection? Believe me, these animals know you have two legs. Of course large animals need to understand physical boundaries, for everyone’s safety, but we can set those parameters with energy and intent as well as very simple training- rewarding the behaviours we like and either not rewarding or discouraging the behaviours we don’t like. 

Positive reinforcement does not have to involve treats; dogs and horses are first sentient: your approval and love is reward enough. (Although treats do help in the early days when puppies are super distractable.) I’ve never yet had a horse for whom I needed to use treats for simple training tasks. I’ve used food as a distraction e.g. when clipping and trimming, but not as a specific positive reinforcement training aid. I’m not saying I will never need to, but in my current skill set, with my current equines, my timing and marking is best done with verbal praise and a pat or a stroke. Horses are so good at understanding intent, they know when they have done well. 

So please do your animals a favour. Look your horse or dog in the eye and try communicating with the smallest possible whispers or signals. Imagine you are in a war zone, or out hunting, and need to communicate with silent gestures and just a thought. Once you start to whisper, they will start to listen more closely. And once you observe them carefully, and try to only praise rather than constantly saying “NO don’t do that”, you will be amazed at how they blossom. 

So please, join me in going out and help us all bust the myth of the alpha. The world will be much better for it.

Another useful article with a load of references to boot

http://www.eurodressage.com/2018/12/27/usemisuse-leadership-and-dominance-concepts-horse-training?fbclid=IwAR1s4Y325sjrJdoTlMrdUMORX1kP1t7H3mevxQxp4_XNwGD4HKrAcaLkbVQ