I carefully built this nest of mine
According to a flawless plan,
Gilded the cage a bar at a time,
Feathered the gaping gaps with books
Stepping stones to safe suburbanity
Grade by test, certificate by exam,
The snare tightened slowly to stifle
The bewildering array of possibility.
Medicine the longest road, the broadest church,
The route’s prescriptions offered perverse freedom.
A new language, fascinating precision,
Ancient echoes chanting scientifically,
Poetry in the purity of parsing.
Predictable targets, hurdles easily cleared,
Requisite focus obscured the final goal.
A better doctor than I could ever be a person,
I found a strange kind of love in healing,
Surgery surprised a powerful passion.
The first cut shocked, the first cure thrilled, I craved
The addictive lure of fixing nature’s ills
Total absorption, drip feed adrenaline,
Instant inviolate clarity precious beyond time,
Technical challenges, perfection, satisfaction,
What greater good could there be but reward
Me crafting stronger lives for living
Daily dingy tragedies wear out the best in me.
Unbidden warmth eased passing and recovery.
The luxury of cancer a wealthy old disease,
Prolonging the inevitable, the cruellest joke,
Death is not the greatest fear nor the worst fate.
The ghosts have slowly grown in number
They chill the soul, these whispering dead.
There is a limit to the well of caring.
There must be a way to be good again,
To share the skills that better fitted me for life….
